nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
