and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Even my vagina gasped.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
