He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
