Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
