I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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