Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
