Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
