How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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