Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
