piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
