I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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