do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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