went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
