I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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