remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Houston, we have a squirter
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
