I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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