singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
