we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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