'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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