You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up