How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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