dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
