I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
