We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
well you can't waste a boner
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
