I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
