I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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