he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
