you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
