his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
