he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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