Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
