I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
