The best revenge is premature balding
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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