cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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