I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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