My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
