why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
