You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
