Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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