found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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