I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
