I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
