So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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