the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
