I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
