My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
