Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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