2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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