hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
