Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if only i could text you this smell
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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