I smell stomach acid.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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