Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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