Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
im on a boat
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