i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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