I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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