I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize