Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
