i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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