i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
