My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
