No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
