Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
