A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
They took my balls.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.