You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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