If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
