i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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