i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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