I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
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