I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
