A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
