I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
