walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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