Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
