I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
